From Disney Princess expectations to ultimate freedom—my journey to self-trust
The Reality of Being Single at 39
Building an international career in fashion, achieving financial independence, and living debt-free while surrounded by amazing friends across the globe—from the outside, being single at 39 while living this incredible life should feel like the ultimate success story. I’d literally invested in my mind, body, and soul to keep everything performing at peak levels.
So why did these incredible highlights keep getting overshadowed by soul-crushing feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, and that persistent longing for “the one”? If you’re single at 39 like me, you probably understand this paradox all too well.
Growing Up Disney: When Fairy Tales Shape Reality
Let’s be honest—those of us who grew up in the 80s and 90s were raised on a steady diet of Disney Princess movies (before they became superheroes). The idea of meeting your prince, ignoring all the red flags, and living happily ever after wasn’t just entertainment—it became our blueprint for love.
That intoxicating fantasy of being swept off your feet, of being “saved” by some romantic force that absolves you of facing daily challenges alone? Yeah, that programming runs deep. It’s still there, playing rent-free in the background of my mind at 39.
Don’t get me wrong—falling in love is genuinely beautiful. The layers of flirting, dating, exploring vulnerabilities, and weaving dreams together as a public unit is something to celebrate. I’ve watched countless couples create joint masterpieces with their lives, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t sometimes watch from the sidelines with envy, wondering, “When will it be MY turn? What’s wrong with me?”
(Spoiler alert: Nothing. Absolutely nothing happened.)
The Reality of Modern Single Life
Here’s what 39 looks like for someone who’s never had a long-term serious relationship: I haven’t exactly been “single” this whole time, but I also haven’t found the depth and commitment my heart craves. There’s been no shortage of situationships, casual encounters, and offers from people who weren’t right for me—but nothing that hit that sweet spot of genuine connection.
After years of well-meaning advice from coupled friends (“It’ll happen when you least expect it!” “Just be happy with yourself and they’ll come!”), I made a choice: push the insecurities aside and get on with building the life I actually wanted.
Finding Strength in Movement
Outside of career ambitions, health and fitness have always been my anchor. In my twenties, it was travel and yoga—I loved how regular practice made me feel, especially those magical moments when a pose literally lets you fly.
But by 34, after a particularly humiliating work experience that touched the edges of the #MeToo movement, I was done with the soft quiet of yoga. I needed something fierce. Boxing became my outlet—six days a week of high-intensity self-protection at a martial arts gym.
Boxing led to Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, a sport that combines everything I love about fitness: strength, agility, and grace under pressure. It was perfect until August, when I broke my foot during routine drills.
When Injury Becomes Insight
That broken foot was extremely inconvenient, but it forced me to slow down. For the first time in years, I had space actually to feel my feelings. My jacked-up nervous system and chronically tight muscles were screaming for relief.
I invested in physical therapy focused on weighted mobility and stretching. The immediate relief felt like playtime for my overworked mind, body, and spirit. But as I revisited parts of my physiology I’d neglected, emotions started surfacing.
First came the familiar stuff—grief and anger about negative experiences, the narcissists, lost opportunities, all the ways the world had supposedly slighted me. The usual jumble of tough memories that had contributed to my depressed lack of trust in myself and “the process.”
The Backbend That Changed Everything
Then one day, going through my mobility routine, I played around with some backbends. Suddenly, I was time-traveling—transported back 11 years to when I’d first moved to London.
Back then, I was this person who’d traveled to the other side of the world knowing almost no one, but I was steeped in hope and carrying dreams that seemed impossibly big.
Dreams that I’ve since brought to life. Independently. On my own.
The realization literally stopped me in my tracks: Against all odds, I achieved the impossible dream.
The Real Romance: Trusting Yourself
Here’s what I want you to remember the next time you tear yourself down for hitting milestones “alone,” for living outside the Disney Princess template:
Create some space to reconnect with actions and memories that ignite the times you were steeped in hope—the place where your dreams were born. Because here’s the truth they don’t tell you in fairy tales:
You can trust yourself. You do have this.
This is when the real romance begins—not with another person, but with your own life. Trust in yourself gives you ultimate freedom. It gives you the life of your dreams.
And honestly? That’s the most sustainable kind of single there is.
Are you navigating life as a successful single person while dealing with societal expectations about relationships? Share your story in the comments below—we’re building a community of people who are redefining what it means to live fully, with or without a partner.
Tags: #SustainablySingle #SelfTrust #ModernSingleLife #PersonalGrowth #DisneyPrincess #CareerWoman #Fitness #MentalHealth #Independence
