Thinking of entering singlehood, and is it the right neighbourhood for you? : Society has a weird obsession with coupling up. And there is this bizarre belief that if you are not partnered up, something is wrong with you, and somehow, you have not matured or progressed. But here’s the tea – being single isn’t JUST okay; it’s an opportunity to enjoy self-love and level up. The single lifestyle is a choice for men and women. Gone are the days when the confirmed bachelor club mystique was solely reserved for men. Nowadays, being a ‘bachelorette’ can be powerful, too, and being self-partnered is the relationship role du jour. One step further, famous desirable men like Lenny Kravitz publicly declare Celibacy as a lifestyle choice. No sex.
Whether fresh out of a relationship or rocking the solo life by choice, this is your self-love roadmap to singledom or your guide through singledom to self-love. Whichever way you go, having a moment or two dedicated to yourself without distraction will give you that well-deserved break from___ (whatever you had going on). We’ve rounded up eight practical, science-backed tips that’ll have you thriving in your singlehood. No cheesy affirmations or mirror pep talks here – just fundamental strategies for modern women who are ready to be their damn soulmates. Remember, THE most intimate relationship you have should be with yourself.
Table of Contents
Here are our 8 favourite tips for enjoying your newly single life through self-love.
1. Practice Mindfulness:
Mindfulness meditation has increased self-compassion and reduced anxiety (Hofmann et al., 2010). Start with 5-10 minutes of focused breathing or guided meditation daily. This can look like sitting still without the phone and having 10 minutes of contemplation. Another effortless way of doing this is a solo walk in a peaceful, uncrowded place with little distraction for you to be present. Whatever method you use, sink into a quiet, still-ish head space. Notice your thoughts and slow them down. Allow yourself a few moments to settle, and then try to bask in the silence.
2. Engage in Self-Care:
Regular exercise, healthy eating, and adequate sleep are foundational to self-love and overall well-being (Walsh, 2011). Prioritize these basics, and consider adding activities like yoga, massage, or regular beauty rituals that make you feel nurtured and cared for. Incorporate mindfulness by slowing everything down and enjoying whatever you are doing. If you are eating your food, try savoring every bite and truly taste it. During this Self-Care protocol, you want to aim for less but higher quality everything to appreciate the journey. Embrace the idea that everything is a treat and you luxuriate in it.
3. Pursue Personal Passions:
Engaging in activities you love releases dopamine, the “feel-good” neurotransmitter (Kringelbach & Berridge, 2010). Whether painting, coding, gardening, or learning a new language, make time for activities that bring you joy and fulfillment. Make an extra effort to follow your interests even if you are solo. Doing activities by yourself opens a world of new friends with shared interests. Nothing is more soul-satisfying than fulfilling a passion or idea.
4. Keep a Gratitude Journal:
Regularly noting things you’re grateful for can significantly increase happiness and life satisfaction (Emmons & McCullough, 2003). Being grateful goes well with mindfulness. Allow yourself extra time to be present and enjoy the simple pleasure. Practice naming them and giving thanks for the most minor things. Focus on appreciating your qualities and accomplishments as well as external factors. With time, this gets easier, and your default settings are re-shuffled to vibrate higher and happier.
5. Challenge Negative Self-Talk:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy techniques can help you reframe negative thoughts and boost self-esteem (Beck, 2011). When you catch yourself in negative self-talk, pause and ask if you would speak to a friend that way. Practice replacing critical thoughts with more compassionate, realistic ones. Realise that negative self-talk harms your mind, inner child, and nervous system. This is your cue to practice some self-parenting and not allow any unconstructive negative thoughts to enter.
A good 3 rule to follow is:
- Is it kind
- Is it necessary
- And Whom does it serve?
6. Create a Vision Board:
Visualizing your goals and dreams can help motivate you and keep you focused on your growth journey. Include images and words representing the life you want to create for yourself, independent of relationship status. Take time to use this in meditation. Allow yourself to visualise and try to feel exactly how it would feel to be in the position in your future vision. The Key is to feel into it.
7. Cultivate Strong Friendships:
While romantic relationships aren’t the focus during this time, strong platonic relationships are crucial for well-being. It’s also a good time to review which relationships align with your values. Invest time and energy in building and maintaining meaningful friendships, understanding which ones are really there for you and which ones are just for fun. Remember, who you surround yourself with is indicative of your tolerance and personality.
8. Explore Solo Activities:
Push yourself out of your comfort zone by trying activities alone that you might usually do with a partner. Go to movies and restaurants, or even take a solo trip. These experiences can be incredibly empowering and help you become more comfortable with your own company. More often than not, the single experience is richer than the couple experience because, as a single, you can slip into more opportunities, and others are more likely to include you in their groupings, seeing that you are alone.
Remember, self-love isn’t a destination—it’s a journey. It’s about treating yourself with the same kindness and compassion you’d offer a partner or child. Hence, the relationship role is ‘self-partnered.’ This is often easier said than done, especially for women who are biologically wired to prioritize caring for others before themselves.
Embracing singlehood and celibacy for a period can be a powerful opportunity for growth. By doing so, you’re investing in the most important and intimate relationship – the one with yourself. After all, how can someone truly get to know you if you don’t really know yourself?
Some argue that relationships are necessary to trigger personal growth and push your buttons, serving as a learning vehicle. However, this process can often be emotionally gut-wrenching.
A gentler approach might be this: Treat your friends like your lovers, your lovers like your friends, and yourself better than both. This balanced perspective can lead to profound personal insights and growth. Staying just friends through friendships gives a greater perspective than getting too close. This applies to those who occasionally cross the friends-like family barriers.
As you navigate this journey of self-love and self-growth, be patient with yourself. Celebrate your progress and insights, no matter how small. And always remember Lucille Ball’s wise words: “Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line.”
Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line.
Lucille Ball- Actress, Comedianne, Producer
In a world that often equates a woman’s worth with her relationship status or ability to attract a partner, focusing on self-love, personal growth, and intentional singlehood is a radical act of self-empowerment. It’s a declaration that you are whole and worthy, exactly as you are.
