“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line.”
– Lucille Ball -Actress, writer, producer, comedianne
Today’s dating landscape is horrific. Any single woman or single man will tell you how hard it is to find a match. Dating Apps do little to make it easier to find ‘your person‘ for the relationship role you had in mind (maybe unintentionally). They make it more complicated. Unsurprisingly, some of that yummy self-love gets pushed to the side. Terms like ‘friends with benefits’, ‘situationship’, ‘toxic’, ‘narcissist’, and ‘breadcrumbing’ are a few examples of the modern dating lexicon. It’s not surprising that we, as single women, are getting exhausted with all the psycho-analyzing being done to cultivate a relationship. These words from the iconic Lucille Ball iconic redhead comedienne from the 60s said it best. “Love yourself first, and everything else falls into line.” – Lucille Ball. And they resonate more powerfully than ever, especially when navigating the complex landscape of relationships, careers, and personal fulfillment. But what does it indeed mean to love yourself first? And is it boring? It is time to redefine what we define as stimulating and worthy of our time.
Table of Contents
How can being intentionally single and celibate contribute to this journey? Let’s dive deep into the science, psychology, and practical aspects of self-love, exploring why taking time for yourself might be the most empowering decision you’ll ever make. Time-out for some Self-Love is creating the most intimate relationship role with yourself.
The Science of Self-Love: More Than Just a Feel-Good Phrase
Self-love isn’t just a trendy concept or a feel-good mantra; it’s rooted in neuroscience and profoundly affects our brain chemistry and overall well-being. When we practice self-love, our brains release a cocktail of feel-good chemicals, including oxytocin, serotonin, and dopamine. These neurotransmitters are associated with feelings of happiness, contentment, and overall well-being (Breuning, 2015). It’s creating a relationship role within ourselves.
Dr. Kristin Neff, a pioneering researcher in self-compassion, has found that individuals who practice self-love and self-compassion have lower levels of anxiety and depression. They also demonstrate greater emotional resilience in the face of life’s challenges (Neff, 2011). For modern women often juggling multiple roles and facing societal pressures, this emotional resilience can be a game-changer, providing a stable foundation from which to face life’s ups and downs.
Moreover, neuroplasticity research suggests that consistent self-love practices can actually reshape our brain structure over time. This means that the more we engage in self-love, the more our brains become wired for positivity, resilience, and emotional balance (Davidson & McEwen, 2012). What you practice stays with you, and what you don’t – doesn’t.
The Value of Being a Single Woman: A Journey of Self-Discovery and Empowerment
Now, you might wonder, “What does being single have to do with self-love?” The answer is quite a lot. Singlehood, when approached mindfully, can be an incredibly rich period of self-discovery and personal growth. It substitutes our relationship roles from two to just one.
Here are our Top 3 reasons why a jaunt with Celibacy once in your life is a good idea.
1. Time for Self-Discovery and Personal Development
When you’re not focused on romantic relationships, you have more time and mental energy to invest in yourself. This period of self-discovery can lead to a deeper understanding of your values, passions, and goals. It’s an opportunity to explore different facets of your personality and to cultivate interests that may have been sidelined or forgetten in past relationships.
A study by Bella DePaulo, Ph.D., found that single people are more likely to experience personal growth and development compared to their married counterparts (DePaulo, 2006). This growth can manifest in various ways – from advancing in your career to developing new skills, or even discovering hidden talents.
For modern women, this time of self-discovery can be particularly empowering. It’s a chance to define yourself on your own terms, free from the relationship role expectations or influence of a romantic partner. Whether it’s traveling solo, starting a business, or pursuing higher education, singlehood offers the freedom to explore opportunities, experiences new things, shape your life exactly as you envision it at your own pace.
2. Building Mental Resilience and Emotional Intelligence
Being comfortable with yourself, by yourself, is a superpower. It takes great patience, self-awareness, and honesty. It builds mental resilience that can help you navigate life’s ups and downs with greater ease. This resilience is crucial for single women facing a modern day’s myriad of funky personal and professional challenges.
Research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology suggests that people who are comfortable with solitude tend to have higher levels of emotional intelligence and are better equipped to handle stress (Long & Averill, 2003). This emotional intelligence is a kind of maturity that translates into better decision-making skills, more fulfilling relationships (both personal and professional), and a greater sense of overall life satisfaction. ‘Real adulting’ requires quiet confidence being ok to be alone.
Getting comfortable with alone time can be really freeing. It helps you stop relying on others for approval and builds up your own sense of self-worth. As a bonus, it saves you time too. When you’re content by yourself, hanging out with people becomes more of a fun choice than a necessity. You might find you enjoy those social moments even more, and you’ll likely be more genuine when you’re with others.
3. Emotional Boundary Fortification
When you’re not entangled in romantic relationships, you have the opportunity to redefine, establish, and strengthen your emotional boundaries. This skill is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships in all areas of life, not just romantic ones. This reset is the new standard that paves the way for higher-quality friendships and relationships.
Psychologist Dr. Mariana Bockarova explains, “Setting healthy boundaries is essential for self-care and self-respect. It’s about knowing and understanding what your limits are” (Bockarova, 2018). For modern women, who often find themselves in romantic roles where they’re expected to be caregivers or emotional support systems, setting and maintaining boundaries is vital for preventing burnout and maintaining personal well-being.
Stepping back from relationships, friendships and ‘situationships’ allows you to gain perspective and reflect deeply. This pause allows you to identify your true needs, hone your communication skills, and solidify your values. By developing these aspects of yourself, you’ll be better equipped for future partnerships. You’ll enter new relationships as a more self-assured individual, ready to engage as an equal and bring your authentic self to the table.
Let’s get real: embracing singlehood and practicing self-love isn’t always a smooth ride. There might be days when you’re the girl about town, and others when you’re scrolling through your ex’s Instagram at 2 AM (no judgment, we’ve all been there). But remember, this journey is uniquely yours. Whether taking a breather from relationships, exploring celibacy, or just focusing on being the best version of yourself, you’re doing something pretty badass. So rock that single life, dive deep into self-discovery, and keep leveling up. The most important relationship you’ll ever have is one with yourself. Now go out there and shine, you magnificent solo star, and be the romantic partner of your dreams.
