Ever wonder why you’re attracted to certain types of people? Or why do your relationships follow similar patterns? This quiz, grounded in Jungian psychology and attachment theory, reveals the unconscious drivers behind your romantic choices by identifying your unique dating archetype. Through ten carefully crafted questions, you’ll uncover whether you’re seeking partners to fill internal voids, choosing from a place of self-worth, or somewhere in between. Most importantly, you’ll discover what “dating up” truly means for you—and whether it’s actually about finding someone “better” or simply recognizing that you deserve partners who genuinely show up.
Are You Dating Up? Find Out How Your Preferences Play a Role in Your Future Relationships
The partners we choose aren’t random—they’re reflections of our inner landscape, our unhealed wounds, and our deepest beliefs about what we deserve. This isn’t about judging your past choices, but rather understanding the psychological patterns that drive your romantic decisions. By identifying your dating archetype, you’ll gain clarity on whether you’re truly “dating up” or simply returning to a place of knowing your worth.
Disclaimer: This quiz draws inspiration from various psychological modalities including Jungian psychology and attachment theory, but is not a clinical assessment or therapeutic tool. The results are intended for self-reflection and personal insight rather than professional diagnosis. This is a creative exploration of relationship patterns designed to spark awareness and conversation about your dating experiences.
A questionnaire to explore your relationship patterns and discover your authentic dating archetype
Instructions
For each question, choose the answer that feels most authentic to you. There are no right or wrong answers—only insights into your relationship patterns and what drives your choices in love.
Question 1: What initially attracts you to a potential partner?
a) Their achievements, status, or impressive lifestyle
b) How they make me feel about myself and our shared connection
c) Their potential to grow and evolve alongside me
d) How well they align with my core values and life vision
Question 2: When you imagine your ideal relationship, you see:
a) Being admired by others for the impressive partner you’ve attracted
b) Deep emotional intimacy and feeling truly seen and understood
c) Two whole individuals choosing each other daily
d) A partnership that elevates both people’s authentic selves
Question 3: How do you typically respond when a partner doesn’t meet your expectations?
a) I focus on their positive qualities and overlook concerning behaviors
b) I communicate my needs clearly and expect them to be honored
c) I evaluate whether this is a pattern or a one-time occurrence
d) I consider if this misalignment reflects deeper incompatibility
Question 4: What role does your partner’s financial stability play in your attraction?
a) It’s very important—I want security and a comfortable lifestyle
b) It matters less than their character and how they treat me
c) I value financial responsibility, but I can provide for myself
d) I care more about their relationship with money than the amount they have
Question 5: When conflicts arise in relationships, you tend to:
a) Avoid confrontation to maintain harmony
b) Address issues directly but with compassion
c) Take time to reflect before engaging in discussion
d) See conflict as an opportunity for deeper understanding
Question 6: How do you feel about being single?
a) Uncomfortable—I prefer being in a relationship
b) Content—I enjoy my own company and am selective about partners
c) Empowered—I use this time for personal growth and self-discovery
d) Neutral—my happiness doesn’t depend on my relationship status
Question 7: What’s your biggest fear in relationships?
a) Being abandoned or left for someone “better”
b) Losing myself or compromising my values
c) Settling for less than I deserve
d) Not being truly known or accepted for who I am
Question 8: How do you define “dating up”?
a) Finding someone with higher social status, wealth, or achievements
b) Attracting someone who treats me with genuine respect and care
c) Choosing partners who challenge me to grow and evolve
d) Being with someone whose values and integrity match or exceed my own
Question 9: When friends criticize your dating choices, you:
a) Feel defensive but wonder if they might be right
b) Listen to their concerns while trusting your own judgment
c) Appreciate their perspective but make your own decisions
d) Consider their input as one factor among many
Question 10: What would make you walk away from a relationship?
a) Consistent disrespect or emotional unavailability
b) Fundamental differences in life goals or values
c) Feeling like I’m shrinking myself to fit their expectations
d) Lack of growth, curiosity, or effort to understand each other
Your Results: Discover Your Dating Archetype
Scoring Guide:
Count your answers:
- Mostly A’s: The Seeker
- Mostly B’s: The Sovereign
- Mostly C’s: The Alchemist
- Mostly D’s: The Sage
The Four Dating Archetypes
🌟 The Seeker
“I’m searching for someone to complete me”
You’re drawn to partners who seem to have what you feel you’re missing—whether that’s confidence, status, or security. While there’s nothing wrong with admiring these qualities, you may find yourself in relationships where you’re doing most of the emotional work or feeling grateful just to be chosen.
Jungian Foundation: The Seeker embodies the early stages of individuation, where external validation and status often substitute for internal worth. You may be unconsciously seeking a partner to fill perceived gaps in your own life.
Relationship Psychology: You’re drawn to partners based on what they can provide—security, status, or social validation. While this isn’t inherently wrong, it can lead to attracting partners who may not genuinely value your authentic self.
Growth Edge: Your journey involves recognizing your inherent worth independent of a partner’s achievements. “Dating up” for you means choosing partners who see and celebrate your value, not those who make you feel grateful for their attention.
Affirmation: “I am worthy of love and respect exactly as I am.”
👑 The Sovereign
“I know my worth and won’t settle”
You approach dating with clear boundaries and a strong sense of what you bring to the table. You’re not easily impressed by surface-level qualities and prioritize character over status. You’d rather be single than compromise your values or settle for less than genuine respect and care.
Jungian Foundation: The Sovereign has begun integrating their shadow—acknowledging both light and dark aspects of themselves. You’ve developed a strong sense of self and clear boundaries about what you will and won’t accept.
Relationship Psychology: You approach relationships from a place of self-respect rather than need. You’re attracted to character over status and prioritize emotional intelligence and authentic connection.
Growth Edge: While your standards are healthy, ensure they don’t become rigid walls that prevent genuine intimacy. “Dating up” for you means finding someone who matches your emotional maturity and commitment to growth.
Affirmation: “I attract partners who honor and celebrate my authentic self.”
🔮 The Alchemist
“I believe in transformation through love”
You see relationships as powerful catalysts for growth and believe deeply in the potential for two people to inspire each other’s evolution. You’re attracted to depth, emotional intelligence, and the possibility of creating something beautiful together, while maintaining your own sense of wholeness.
Jungian Foundation: The Alchemist understands that relationships are vehicles for mutual transformation. You’ve embraced the concept of the “divine marriage”—the integration of masculine and feminine energies within yourself and your partnerships.
Relationship Psychology: You see relationships as sacred containers for growth. You’re attracted to potential and believe deeply in the power of love to inspire positive change, while maintaining your own wholeness.
Growth Edge: Balance your belief in transformation with acceptance of people as they are today. “Dating up” for you means choosing partners who are already committed to their own growth journey.
Affirmation: “I choose partners who inspire my growth while loving me completely as I am.”
🦉 The Sage
“Love is about authentic connection and shared wisdom”
You prioritize deep compatibility and shared values above all else. You’re attracted to wisdom, integrity, and authentic expression rather than flashy displays or conventional markers of success. You understand that the best relationships are partnerships between two whole, evolved individuals.
Jungian Foundation: The Sage has achieved significant individuation—integrating various aspects of the psyche into a cohesive whole. You understand that true partnership comes from two complete individuals choosing each other.
Relationship Psychology: You prioritize deep compatibility, shared values, and mutual respect. You’re attracted to wisdom, integrity, and authentic expression rather than surface-level qualities.
Growth Edge: Your depth and discernment are strengths, but ensure you remain open to the beautiful imperfection of human connection. “Dating up” for you means finding someone who matches your commitment to truth and authentic living.
Affirmation: “I attract partnerships rooted in truth, growth, and mutual reverence.”
Reflection Questions
Regardless of your primary archetype, consider these questions:
- What patterns do you notice in your past relationships?
- How has your definition of “dating up” evolved over time?
- What aspects of yourself are you still learning to love and accept?
- How do you maintain your sense of self within relationships?
- What would change if you fully believed you deserved extraordinary love?
Moving Forward: The Return to Self-Worth
Remember, the concept of “dating up” isn’t about finding someone above your league—it’s about recognizing that you deserve partners who show up with intention, respect, and genuine care. It’s a return to understanding your inherent worth and refusing to settle for connections that diminish your light.
Your relationship patterns reflect your relationship with yourself. As you continue growing in self-awareness and self-love, you naturally attract partners who meet you at that elevated level of consciousness and care.
True “dating up” is choosing partners who celebrate your worth rather than those who make you question it.
