Love bombing is a manipulation tactic often used in relationships to gain control by overwhelming someone with affection, attention, gifts, or grand gestures of love.

A couple in a serious discussion. She is unaware of the love bombing tactics her boyfriend had used to manipulate her now.

Who is a Love Bomber?

People who engage in love bombing often have underlying emotional or psychological motivations that drive their behavior that are likely unknown to the love bomber.

This type of behavior comes from a deep-seated place of insecurity and is likely not obvious to the love bombers. Not everyone who exhibits love bombing tendencies does so intentionally or cruelly but rather this behavior is associated with specific personality disorders and psychological conditions.

This behavior serves to isolate you so they can have all of your attention and love to themselves.

Here are 10 signs you might be experiencing love bombing right now:

1. Over-the-Top affection Too Soon in the Relationship

They may shower you with excessive compliments, or gifts, or declare their love very early into the relationship. This might feel really powerful to receive this amount of praise, everyone wants to feel loved but be careful if it happens too much too soon, then you are wise to pull back and take inventory before it gets too heady.

2. Over Communication and Attention

They constantly text, call, overshare memes with you. Or they constantly want to spend time together which makes it difficult to have personal space or boundaries. Have you ever had someone over and they just wouldn’t leave? Or meet someone for lunch but then they want to tag along with you for the rest of your day? Even though this may feel fun to just live in the moment, take note if you are equally interested in spending this much time with someone so quickly or whether they are putting pressure on you to.

3. Pushing for Commitment too Quickly

Are they talking about marriage or moving in together after only a brief courtship? The U-Haul and cat carrier discussion after only 3 months of dating. Are they planning a future trips, events, and time together before you have even thought about it? When you are still learning about a person and they are talking about kids already, you might want to be wary or their neediness to lock it down so quickly.

4. Excessive Flattery and Putting You on a Pedestal

They make grand sweeping statements; like you are the only one who understands them or they have been waiting a lifetime to meet you. They make you feel like you’re perfect and that the relationship is “meant to be” or “fate.” It may sound wonderful to finally meet someone who treats you like a Queen, but if it seems that they are idealizing you, just remember that unrealistic perception has a long way to fall. No one is perfect so be careful when someone lays it on thick. You are only a mere mortal after all.

5. Over the Top Gifts and Gestures

Who doesn’t love to receive gifts? I am not mad at that. When you are still new in the relationship and they are flying you to Paris or showering you with expensive gifts, be wary. Pretty Woman was just a movie and in real life, behavior like that usually means you are getting played somehow. If you know they are overspending on you and they can’t actually afford it, you should question their motivation. They make frequent grand gestures that might create a sense of obligation or guilt if you don’t reciprocate or if you just aren’t feeling it the same.

6. Constant Need for Reassurance

Do you constantly have to reassure them that you love them or that you think they are beautiful or attractive? Do they seek out constant confirmation that you will never leave them or that you will love them forever? Sometimes a love bomber will even create an elaborate drama to drive you to reassure them that you love them or won’t leave them. This is a manipulative tactic to get their needs met.

7. Isolating You from Others

They subtly or sometimes overtly discourage you from spending time with other friends or family. Maybe they put a worm in your ear that your friends aren’t good friends or that you don’t need them. They may plant seeds of doubt about any relationship other than with them, making you question your other bonds. This behavior serves to isolate you so they can have all of your attention and love to themselves. It also prevents you from possibly getting feedback in from other people in your life that care about you. Though it may seem like a natural thing to fall in love and spend more and more time together, be mindful that it is not at the exclusion of your other relationships. You might need a reality check once in a while from an outside source.

8. Guilt-Tripping and Passive Aggression (ugh)

If you try to set boundaries with this person and they react by guilt-tripping you or using passive-aggressive behavior that makes you feel selfish or ungrateful…this is a red flag. 🚩 You are an autonomous individual and if this person only sees you as an extension of themselves to satiate their needs, you might be in the presence of a love bomber.

9. Sudden Mood Shifts When You Resist Them

Try to say no to a love bomber. “No, I can’t see you tonight.” “No, I am not ready to say I love you.” ” No, I can’t accept this gift” When you express discomfort or ask for space, their previous “loving” behavior can quickly turn into irritation, anger, cruelty, or withdrawal. This thin veneer wears off and you see the true intention of the love bomber. All of their sweet words and gestures were an attempt to lull you into trusting them or bonding quickly and yet when they are pressed, you see the deep insecurity that lies beneath the surface of their facade. When you simply can’t spend all day with them or you can’t pick up their calls while you are working and they don’t respect that, they might be a love bomber.

10. You Feel a Sense of Obligation or Pressure

You start feeling trapped, overwhelmed, or pressured to respond to their affection in a way that doesn’t feel natural to you. When the phone pings you get nervous or you start feeling apprehensive about your time together, this might be a sign you aren’t in an equal and healthy relationship. When you don’t want to go on the trip or to the concert with them but they make you feel obligated because they have spent money or are guilting you, be mindful. Pay attention to how your body responds. Love feels magical, natural, and free. Love bombing may feel scary, unknown, overwhelming, or apprehensive.

Here are some types of individuals who might engage in love bombing:

  1. Narcissists (Narcissistic Personality Disorder – NPD) Narcissists use love bombing to quickly gain control and admiration. They thrive on validation and seek to create a dependent dynamic where they are the center of your world. Signs: Excessive charm, entitlement, lack of empathy, and a tendency to devalue once they’ve secured your affection.
  2. Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Those with BPD may engage in love bombing due to a deep fear of abandonment and an intense need for closeness. Their emotions can shift rapidly, leading to cycles of idealization and devaluation. Signs: Intense emotional highs and lows, impulsivity, and an overwhelming need for reassurance.
  3. Codependent People Codependent people often love bombs unintentionally as they seek validation and purpose through relationships. They may overextend themselves to gain approval and avoid feeling alone. Signs: Over-giving, people-pleasing, and difficulty setting boundaries.
  4. Manipulators and Abusers Some individuals use love bombing as a tool to exert control over others. They create an illusion of an ideal relationship to make their target dependent on them, later shifting to controlling or abusive behaviors. Signs: Jealousy, possessiveness, and sudden changes in behavior once they’ve gained trust.
  5. Emotionally Immature Individuals (this can be narcissism) People who lack emotional maturity might engage in love bombing because they believe relationships should be intense and all-consuming. They may not realize the importance of healthy boundaries. Signs: Inability to respect personal space, overwhelming intensity, and unrealistic expectations.
  6. Insecure or Anxious Attachment Style Those with an anxious attachment style may love bomb to secure a relationship quickly and avoid the fear of being abandoned or rejected. Signs: Clinginess, excessive texting or calling, and difficulty being alone.
  7. Serial Daters and Players Some individuals love bomb to quickly win over partners, enjoy the thrill of the chase, and then move on once the excitement fades. Signs: Repetitive patterns of intense relationships that end suddenly, a history of multiple short-lived relationships.
  8. Individuals with Low Self-Esteem Some people engage in love bombing to gain a sense of worth by making someone dependent on their affection and attention. Signs: Constant need for validation, feeling “empty” without a relationship, and difficulty being single.
  9. People with a History of Trauma or Unhealthy People who grew up in chaotic or dysfunctional environments may love bomb as a way to recreate intensity they associate with love and affection. Signs: Extreme emotional highs and lows, seeking validation through relationships, and confusion between love and control.

If you recognize love-bombing behaviors in someone, it’s important to maintain healthy boundaries and take time to assess the authenticity and sustainability of the relationship.