Our top 3 Communication Hacks Will Save Your Relationships

We reveal the top 3 communication hacks you never even heard of! We have collected some insights from experts that would transform your relationships and change how you communicate. Do you ever need help to make people understand your message or feel you need to be heard? Read on.

Communication is a crucial skill to have in life. No matter the situation, effectively communicating your thoughts and ideas is essential for getting along. That said, it’s frustrating to ensure your message gets across clearly. So please take a deep breath, gather your thoughts, take your time, and remember some of our communication hacks in this article. (Photos: SlLGhin @sustainablysingle.com)

• Communication goes beyond the words we use.
• Land that message
• 1. Qualify where you are
• 2. Flip the Script: Why ‘No’ is the New ‘Yes’ in Communication
• 3. Be present

Communication goes beyond the words we use.

It’s not just about what you say but how and when you say it. As intelligent beings, we naturally pick up on vibes and whether or not we trust what someone is saying. Sometimes, our outward expression doesn’t match what’s going on inside. Most of the time, we don’t even realize what triggers our emotions or responses. And we certainly can’t control what sets off others.

Want to get your message across? Start by being patient and empathetic! Take a few deep breaths and listen to the other person. Ask clarifying questions or iterate to ensure you’re on the same page.

Acknowledging what they said lets the other person know they have been heard. One step further is to sympathize with them. Being able to understand their perspective will build trust and lower the tension. Keep an eye out for body language, too – it can say a lot about how someone’s feeling. (All photos: SJLGhin 2022)

It’s essential to pay attention to someone’s words and tone, especially when they seem stressed. If they’re talking fast and high-pitched, try slowing down your speech, talking lower, and adding some pauses. This can bring some calm and positive energy to the conversation.

It might be tricky, and let’s face it – it can be WORK, but getting your message to stick and be heard is possible. With patience and understanding — plus these three clever communication hacks — you’ll uplift and take your communication to the next level. And if it doesn’t work, it may be a catalyst for change. We must take ownership of our attitudes and behaviors to succeed in communication.

Land that message

Communication can be challenging; it’s ongoing progress. Remember you are creating a safe emotional space and holding it for someone else to express. It does require patience and self-restraint at times. But like anything else, practice makes perfect. Plus, it can be a fantastic learning vehicle to learn about yourself, how you respond, and what triggers you. And sometimes, you may not be up for working on it. You gotta know how to “land” that message. Sometimes, it feels like nothing gets through, no matter how hard you try.

Yep, there will be those frustrating moments where you’ve done all you can, and nothing registers. Don’t worry – we’ll dive deeper into that in another article. For now, let’s focus on mastering the art of effective communication. Communication tips are abundant; don’t worry about all the strategies. We’ve got the three best communication hacks you need for any situation.

1. Quantify where you are

Have you ever heard the phrase “quantify where you are”? It’s a concept from Brene Brown, who is known for her expertise in vulnerability and courage.

In a recent interview about relationships, Brown shared a personal strategy she and her partner use: they quantify their energy levels. For instance, if Brown comes home and says, “I’m at 10% right now,” it’s her way of saying she’s feeling low on energy, patience, and kindness. Her partner may volunteer to step in and say, ‘ I got you.’

If they feel the same way, you can work together to determine the best communication method. Not possible at that moment?

It’s okay – a caring person will always be open to picking it up again when the time is right. Not only is this a clever way to let someone know where you’re at emotionally (she has walked into the moment in a funk or has zero energy to give), but it also prepares the other person to tune in and pay closer attention.

As a couple, Brene Brown and her partner know that when they combine less than 100%, they figure out a plan of kindness. In the interview with Tim Ferris, Brene Brown emphasizes that marriage is not 50/50; a partnership works when you can carry their 20.

When you both only got 20 / 20 each, you make a plan not to hurt each other (note: words are insidious; be careful what you say).

(All photos: SJLGhin 2022)

This may look like taking care of expectations and responsibilities that can tax energy even further. Being extra mindful and rescheduling social engagements, farming out cooking and cleaning tasks, etc. They are doing what is possible to reset. This communication style is partnership teamwork with support, knowing not to take anything personally.

2. Flip the Script: Why ‘No’ is the New ‘Yes’ in Communication

It may seem counter-intuitive, but former FBI negotiator Chris Voss advises getting the other person to say ‘no’ as a powerful tool for effective communication. Although he uses this method as a negotiation technique, we can not ignore the value learned here. Chris Voss believes that getting the other person to say ‘no’ is an empathetic way of engaging because saying ‘no’ makes a person feel protected, safe, and empowered.

So, how do you use this technique?

Start the conversation with phrases like “Is it a bad time to talk?”

By doing this, you’re communicating a sense of no pressure or expectations and demonstrating a casual, non-aggressive attitude. This gives the feeling of choice. You open the conversation by allowing the other person to participate safely. The other person is likelier to say, “No, I can talk.”

(All photos: SJLGhin 2022)

The benefits are twofold: You get a better response by letting the other person feel in charge and create a positive outcome by framing the situation so they can feel good about offering support. So why not flip the script by trying to get a ‘no’ instead of a ‘yes’. Research shows that people feel good about helping others.

In the School of Greatness interview between Lewis Howes and Chris Voss, Chris also recommends paraphrasing to keep the conversation engaged and give more clarity. Lewis Howes adds that you become more enjoyable when genuinely interested in the other person.

Another quality is shared in Dale Carnagie’s legendary book (Warren Buffet’s favorite) – How to win friends and influence people.

3. Be present

Let’s talk about the 3rd communication tip, which isn’t a “hack” but more of a point of view (POV).

Before you deliver any information, knowing if the person you’re talking to can even comprehend it is essential. You can do this by being compassionate and accepting who that person is showing up to be. Then consider if what you want to say is

1. Is it necessary? Do you need to say it? 

2. Is it kind? In today’s turbulent world, kindness is more important than ever.

3. and whom does it serve? Asking the tricky question, is your ego have any part in this conversation? 

Filtering your words through these questions can help you decide if it’s worth saying or editing how it’s being said. 

Marianne Williamson, the best-selling author, spiritual leader, and politician, believes that true fulfillment comes from understanding ourselves through the people we interact with. Rather than expecting others to make us happy and placing the onus on fulfilling our needs. We should accept and appreciate them for who they are and be present.

By focusing on the present and not getting caught up in the past or future narratives, our communication becomes unbiased, more meaningful, and purposeful. Good communication is the backbone of a successful relationship.

Suggested Reading:

Brene Brown

Brené Brown is a renowned research professor at the University of Houston, a bestselling author, and a highly sought-after public speaker. With a background in social work and a Ph.D. in social work from the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, Brown’s work primarily focuses on vulnerability, shame, empathy, and courage. Her groundbreaking research has had a profound impact on the fields of psychology, leadership, and communication.

Brene Brown is widely recognized for her compelling TED Talks, which have garnered millions of views and made her a global thought leader in human connection and communication. Her notable books, including “Daring Greatly,” “The Gifts of Imperfection,” and “Braving the Wilderness,” delve into the intricacies of authentic communication, the importance of vulnerability in building meaningful relationships, and the power of courage in navigating difficult conversations.

Chris Voss

Chris Voss is a distinguished figure in the field of communication, renowned for his expertise in negotiation and crisis communication. With a storied career in law enforcement, Voss served as the FBI’s lead international kidnapping negotiator, working on high-stakes cases that required exceptional communication skills and crisis management.

As a reference for communication, Chris Voss’s expertise offers valuable insights into effective communication, particularly in high-pressure situations with high stakes. His approach to negotiation and communication has been widely embraced and applied by professionals seeking to enhance their conversational skills, build rapport, and achieve mutually beneficial outcomes.

Lewis Howes

Lewis Howes is a well-known entrepreneur, author, and podcaster who has significantly impacted personal development and communication, particularly in relationships. Howes hosts “The School of Greatness” podcast, where he engages with various guests, including psychology, communication, and relationships experts.

Lewis Howes’ work serves as a valuable reference in articles about communication in relationships, as he emphasizes the importance of self-discovery, empathy, and effective communication as cornerstones for building stronger and more fulfilling connections with others. His podcast, books, and public speaking engagements have inspired countless individuals to enhance communication skills and nurture healthier, more authentic relationships.

Marianne Williamson

Marianne Williamson is a prominent spiritual teacher, author, politician, and lecturer who has gained recognition for her insights on human relationships and personal growth. She is widely regarded as a good authority on human relationships due to her extensive work in the fields of spirituality and self-improvement. Williamson’s background includes a deep understanding of spiritual and metaphysical principles, and she has written numerous books that explore themes related to personal transformation, love, and forgiveness.

Her most notable work, “A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of ‘A Course in Miracles,'” has profoundly impacted how individuals perceive and navigate their relationships. In this book, she emphasizes the power of love, forgiveness, and empathy as essential components of healthy, fulfilling human connections.