Is modern dating making me anxious? My dating journey.
3 strikes and they’re out?
Dating in today’s world can feel like speed rounds of emotional roulette. You swipe, match, chat, and suddenly—bam—you’re on date number two within a week. It’s easy to get caught up in the rhythm of momentum. But what happens when the rhythm isn’t syncing with your actual feelings?
Recently, I found myself in that exact spot. Two dates in, good conversation, a few laughs, and a friendly vibe. But beneath the surface? Crickets. Not in a bad way—just in that “I don’t know yet” kind of way. The kind where you’re smiling and nodding, but inside you’re trying to scan for that elusive spark… and it’s just not clear.
So how many dates does it take to know if there’s something? That’s the million-dollar question. And truthfully, the answer isn’t neat or universal. For some, chemistry hits fast—within minutes. For others, it builds slowly, like a flame catching on kindling. But pressure (from yourself or the other person) can squash that before it has a chance.
What I’ve noticed is that when someone says something like, “I can’t read you,” after only a couple of meetups, it can feel jarring as if you’re supposed to know already. But is that fair? Is it realistic?
Dating should feel organic. Unfolding, not forced.
Even more concerning, a 2024 study found that 16.9% of dating app users frequently experience stress and anxiety from their usage, while 39.8% report occasional anxiety, with women experiencing dating app anxiety at nearly double the rate of men who report “never” feeling stressed (8.7% vs 16.5%).
If you’re unsure about your attraction to someone after two dates, that doesn’t mean there’s nothing there. It just means you’re still getting to know them—and yourself—in the context of this connection. That’s allowed. That’s normal. It’s okay if the ice hasn’t fully melted yet. You don’t owe anyone instant clarity. Sometimes, we need space to breathe between the dates—not just to process what happened, but to feel what we feel, without trying to force it.
So here’s the takeaway:
Two dates don’t define your romantic future. They’re just the start. And if you’re not sure yet? You don’t have to be. The psychological impact extends beyond mere nervousness—13% of singles have actually stopped dates due to anxiety around sexual performance, and 11% of single women admit to having panic attacks during intimate moments.
Here are a few potential key conscious ways of communicating to your new date when you feel the pace is just not aligning with your flow.
You could emphasize that, given that this is not the organic environment where you get a feeling based on ‘in person’ attraction, not unlike a job interview, you need time to evaluate your feelings to align with your ideals intuitively.
How long is a piece of string after all?
Be up front about whether you may also be chatting to other matches from the app. But most of all, be honest with yourself and honor your thought process. Without overthinking, there is no deadline to decide if you want to pursue more dates to trial someone out. Their reaction to your boundaries shows their character in the end.
The honesty policy is a good exercise
