The new trending luxury is being single. (Photos: SJLGhin @sustainablysingle.com)
As I sit down to explore the nuanced facets of being a pretty cool 51-year-old single woman ( I still got it. ), I find myself reflecting on the subtle ways in which societal consciousness shapes our perceptions, molds our judgments, and even influences the very definition of happiness and fulfillment for women. Being ‘unattached’ by your early thirties is unfortunately viewed as ‘there’s something wrong with that person’ for most. An ideology originally from different generations, being coupled up was a logical and biological means of survival and success in a traditional family structure. Gender stereotypes paved the way for career directions and life choices. But times have changed.
Despite my age, I confess that my spirit resonates with the vivacity of someone in their early 30s. I can’t help but marvel at the thought that had I possessed my current level of maturity back then, the trajectory of my life might have taken a different course (or perhaps if my parents allowed me to play with the mechanic set instead of buying me Barbies). What would my life have been without the internal belief system and external pressure to couple up?
It’s crucial to note that this reflection isn’t a nostalgic journey into what could have been; instead, it’s a testament to the appreciation of the present moment. Life, fortunately, hasn’t embittered my disposition; instead, it has become a canvas for personal evolution. As such, I feel zero guilt to kick back, relax, and enjoy the times I am single by choice. I’ve been through the wars of toxic relationships and weird partners.
When a series of life events propelled me toward a crossroads (aka bad relationships) that demanded deep self-reflection and inner child work, I arrived at the end of the tunnel over time at a remarkable juncture where my confidence grew due to a resurgence of loving myself again but in a new light. I thrived and enjoyed my ‘me time’ without judgment or pressure. The insidious societal expectation that defines success as a partnership or relationship as a life goal has finally lost its hold.
The inner work journey led me to a space where my happiness was redefined as I started to understand myself better, in part by going through relationships (sure, I’ll give that credit) but not without serious growing pains. The main takeaway I found for unlocking what made me happy was constant self-awareness and consistent self-care through these turbulent times. I found the richness of my life was due to taking accountability for my own experiences and creating new positive ones instead of the constant consultation of two. Thinking for two plus is work, but as a single person, I could duck and weave as a solo with newly found flexibility, finding unconventional solutions that sometimes resulted in unexpected pleasant surprises.
The anxiety and stress that once accompanied the quest for companionship have gracefully dissipated. As I sunk into this new life stage, I found joy in feeling like being single was a guilty pleasure.
And now, I continue to embrace the adventures of my unwritten (yet-to-be-discovered) narrative; I realize that the negative connotations of being a single woman are no longer relevant in today’s social landscape and must be dismantled. Synonyms for being a single woman are psychologically damaging and, when compared to their male counterparts, and they are hilariously old-fashioned and unjust. It is wildly archaic to think choosing or not choosing to be a single woman carries unwanted preconceived notions and unspoken expectations. The judgment that ensues leaves no autonomy for the individual woman. Language has a way of subconsciously influencing your beliefs, and in this day and age, it can be dangerous. But with the growing trend of women choosing to be single, the tide is turning on how we perceive today’s new Bachelorette; she is gorgeous, smart, and savvy. She knows that being single by choice is a luxury, so she can spend her time spoiling herself.
Here are some of the hilarious and not-so-hilarious nouns, synonyms, and adjectives for a single woman that are floating around:
Spinter: an unmarried woman, typically an older woman beyond the usual age for marriage. Urban Dictionary describes it as: ‘An old, single, never-married woman. Spinster also implies that the woman is not married due to being undesirable as opposed to the single male bachelor making a choice.
Old Maid: a single woman regarded as too old for marriage. This belief originated from a time when women referred to as maids as a ‘thing.’
Bachelor girl: Sometimes Offensive. An unmarried woman, especially a young one, who supports herself and lives alone.
A prude: Someone who is excessively modest and opposed to anything deemed sexy, sensual, and sexual. A prude is highly viewed as moralistic and devout. A popular adjective used to describe a single woman who rejects a man’s advance.. Funny that..🤔
7 Things to Do Alone for Ultimate Enjoyment and Satisfaction
Travel:
Embarking on a solo journey offers the freedom to explore at your rhythm, unrestrained by someone else’s schedule constraints. While traveling with friends, family, or a special companion can be enriching, the solo experience allows you to chart your course without needing group consensus. It opens doors to unexpected possibilities that might be too cumbersome with companions. As a solo traveler, you become a magnet for invitations, as people recognize the unique opportunity to connect with you individually.
Interest groups and classes:
Taking a class can be a new, fun experience, much like traveling. It’s a chance to explore a new subject while connecting with new people who share your passion and not the drama that may surround you. Stepping outside your normal social circle has the benefit of enriching your life. Have a busy schedule? Kill two birds with one stone. The benefits of gentle socializing as you learn together in a comfortable and relaxed atmosphere can be a huge mood booster in a positive way, promoting your mental well-being. Reap the rewards of socializing without feeling pressured to hang out afterward. So why not take a new class today and discover a new world of exciting challenges and opportunities?
Walking:
Taking a solo walk during my ‘me’ time feels like a moving meditation. It’s a personal space for deep introspection, allowing me to process thoughts without distractions. Whether I choose a brisk power walk or a stroll, the pace is entirely my own. This solitary journey becomes a form of self-care, fostering a connection with my inner self and providing space for reflection and personal growth. The rhythmic movement becomes a therapeutic rhythm, harmonizing my mind and body in a meditative and liberating dance. It’s a simple yet powerful way to be present with myself and appreciate the beauty of solitude.
Sleeping:
It is the ultimate escape for anyone who has endured the symphony of a snorer. Sleeping alone offers an unforeseen luxury, allowing you to toss and turn, claim the pillows, and liberate yourself from sheet-sharing concerns. When you crave a bit of extra shut-eye, the unmatched experience of solo sleep reigns supreme, undisturbed by anyone else. Often underestimated for its mental and physical advantages, walking alone, especially in the morning, establishes your daily circadian rhythms. This solitary activity provides moments for self-reflection and outdoor enjoyment without disruptions. Scientifically proven, nature helps reduce stress hormones and calms the nervous system. Be the envy of all your sleep-deprived friends with small children.
Shopping:
When it comes to shopping, handling groceries solo tends to be more efficient, reducing the chances of distractions and ensuring you don’t forget crucial items. The freedom to set your own pace is a perk, allowing you to take your time or breeze through the aisles. Clothing shopping, though a bit different, can be a pleasant solo experience. Should you require a second opinion, technology comes to the rescue – a quick video call with a friend, sending a picture, or consulting a helpful salesperson who easily provides the feedback you need.
Gallery hopping and sightseeing:
Exploring an art gallery or exhibition solo allows you to appreciate artwork at your own pace, fostering a personal connection with each piece. Without the constraints of group dynamics, you can indulge in uninterrupted reflection, navigate exhibits freely, and adapt your visit on the fly. Solo visits often lead to increased mindfulness and a deeper appreciation of artistic details while also creating opportunities for meaningful interactions with fellow art enthusiasts. It’s a chance for personal growth, allowing you to engage with the art world on a more individual and reflective level.
Hurkling and durkling:
There is no denying that there is something incredibly indulgent about lounging around in bed, free from the pressures of the outside world. Sinking into the soft blankets and pillows can provide comfort and sanctuary that is hard to find anywhere else. It’s a space where you can truly let your guard down and experience a sense of solitude that can be restorative and grounding. After all, there are few places where you can find the nourishment, peace, and relaxation a cozy bed can offer. But having someone else share that space with you can take away that intimate experience (not to mention the self-consciousness and guilt for not getting up). A place that can be customized without interference and options. It’s one reason many women prefer to keep their beds as a personal wellness retreat with the luxury high thread count sheets, the silk pillowcases, the special pillows, and down-filled duvets. A place where face masks and hair treatments lay to rest, sometimes with moisturizing socks or curated art house movies are watched, books are read, and lengthy phone calls happen. Of course, there may be the odd visit, but otherwise, keeping the bed all to yourself is just balling.
