We all have had that friend who hugs you too long for your liking or talks too close for comfort. You may also know that person who gets too flirty when they have a drink. This may even cross over into unwanted touching or suggestive comments.

8 Easy Steps to Address Physical Boundaries with Friends

What do you do when that friend’s hand lingers too long on your back? Or what if a friend has crossed the line and made unwanted sexual advances toward you? These behaviors don’t necessarily have to be friendship deal-breakers. Still, they absolutely need to be addressed so that you can have a healthy relationship with boundaries, mutual respect, and safety.

Using “I” statements can help reduce defensiveness and lay the groundwork for an honest and open conversation.

It’s common to encounter situations where a friend’s behavior crosses your boundaries. This may include lingering physical contact, a breach of personal space, or unwanted advances. These moments can be uncomfortable.

However, addressing them is an essential step toward maintaining a relationship built on mutual respect and healthy boundaries. Your feelings of discomfort are valid, and it’s important to honor your feelings rather than dismiss them or try to save face. Sometimes you have to make things uncomfortable temporarily to become comfortable in the long term.

There is no point in “going along to get along” because inevitably you will need to deal with the issue at some point.

When these behaviors occur, it’s helpful to respond with calm and clarity, though this is easier said than done. Understandably, one can feel shock or surprise, even hurt when a friend crosses your personal physical boundaries. However, if it feels appropriate, you should address the behavior at the moment with statements like, “Could you give me a little space?” or “That’s a bit too much for me.”

These responses help establish immediate boundaries while maintaining the integrity of the interaction. A private conversation may be necessary for more significant concerns or repeated patterns of this boundary-breaking behavior.

In these cases, approach the discussion with kindness and honesty, using “I” statements to express how the behavior impacted you.

How to Communicate Boundaries to that handsy friend

“I value our friendship but felt uncomfortable when [specific behavior] happened. I need to set some boundaries to continue our relationship in a safe and respectful way.”

Using “I” statements can help reduce defensiveness and lay the groundwork for an honest and open conversation. However, using “I” does not mean that you can take accountability for the negative actions of others. They must acknowledge your concerns and apologize for causing you discomfort if this relationship is to survive.

Healthy relationships are built on trust and understanding. Therefore, observing how your friend responds is equally important. A sincere apology and willingness to change reflect their respect for your boundaries.

However, if the behavior persists, is dismissed, or your concerns are minimized, it may indicate a deeper issue that requires you to reconsider the relationship dynamics. Ultimately, prioritizing your emotional well-being and fostering open communication is paramount.

If the behavior escalates into harassment or feels unsafe, seeking support from trusted individuals or professionals is always a wise and empowering step.

Here are some easy steps to manage “friendly” harassment from a friend;

Healthy relationships are built on trust and understanding, so observing how your friend responds is equally important.

1. Clarify Your Intentions

Before initiating the conversation, reflect on your goals. In this case, it seems like you want to:

  • Protect your relationship or explore the nature of this relationship.
  • Maintain your self-respect and integrity.
  • Address the behavior while preserving your friendship, if possible.

This clarity will help you stay focused and confident during the conversation.


2. Speak Privately and Calmly

Choose a time to talk to your friend when he/she’s sober and you can have a private conversation. Timing and environment are key to minimizing defensiveness and creating a space for genuine dialogue. If you are uncomfortable confronting this in person, a well written email or text can work, however be mindful that tone can be lost in text and this can leave room for further issues.

3. Use “I” Statements

To avoid triggering defensiveness, use “I” statements that focus on your feelings and observations, rather than accusing him/her of wrongdoing. For example:

  • “I’ve noticed something that’s been bothering me, and I want to talk to you about it because our friendship is important to me.”
  • “Sometimes, after a few drinks, you’ve been physically affectionate with me or my partner in ways that make them and me uncomfortable.”
  • “I am really a private person and not into physical contact, if you wouldn’t mind asking me before hugging me.”

This framing emphasizes your perspective without assigning intent to your friends actions.

4. Set Clear Boundaries

Be clear about what behavior is not acceptable and why. For example:

  • “It’s important to me that my husband/wife feels comfortable at our gatherings, and I feel protective of that.”
  • “I need to ask that you respect this boundary and avoid that kind of contact moving forward.”
  • “I need you to ask me before you hug me or touch me, I prefer that.”

Boundaries are about what you will or won’t tolerate, not about controlling someone’s behavior. This distinction helps reduce the likelihood of conflict.

5. Anticipate and Manage Potential Reactions

If there are concerns about this friend getting angry, defensive, or minimizing their actions. Here are ways to handle these scenarios:

  • If they get angry: Stay calm and reiterate your message. For example, “I can see you’re upset, and that’s not my intention. I’m bringing this up because I care about our friendship.”
  • If they are defensive: Repeat your boundary without arguing. For example, “I understand you might not see it that way, but it’s how I feel, and it’s important to me.”
  • If they minimize or deny the behavior: Repeat that you are uncomfortable with the contact and that your experience matters. Be mindful, that denial is a powerful defense mechanism and you may receive the acknowledgment you are seeking.

Avoid getting pulled into a debate about their intentions; focus on the impact of the unwanted behavior.

Anything you lose by speaking your truth isn’t a loss, it’s an alignment

6. Prioritize Your Safety and Well-being

If your friend doesn’t respond well or continues the behavior, it may be time to reconsider the role they play in your life. Friendships thrive on mutual respect, and it’s okay to distance yourself from relationships that undermine your values or peace of mind.

7. Strengthen Your Partnership

If your partner has been the recipient of unwanted contact and is uncomfortable with this behavior, show respect for your relationship by being supportive. Keep the lines of communication open with him/her and decide together how you’ll handle situations if they arise again. A united front can make addressing the issue easier.

8. Model the Change You Want

If you have certain values or boundaries, then you’re already embodying a shift in dynamics within your social circle. This might mean that some friendships change as you prioritize your values. That’s okay; true friendships can adapt and grow with you.

You can’t grow with people who don’t like how growth looks on you.

Final Thought: By addressing the issue with compassion and firmness, you demonstrate respect for yourself, your partner, and your friendships. While the conversation might feel uncomfortable, it’s a necessary step toward resolving the conflict and maintaining healthier boundaries.

If your friend values the relationship as much as you do, they’ll find a way to adjust their behavior—even if it takes time to process your feedback.